Waiting on the day

I haven't written in a while, and I'm not sure why...my head is buzzing with a million things to say but it's hard to get them all sorted out- untangled enough to make sense to the general population.

But I've got something that's really been on my mind...

I feel like we're all waiting. Not for the same thing, exactly, but we're all waiting on something. Something that will come along and make everything okay. Make us happy, finally. Make life easier. Give us something to really work or live for.

The questions are:  what are we waiting on? Why that? And does it define us/what does it tell us about ourselves?

I'll tell you about what kicked this off- a John Mayer song. Now, I love his music. Many of his songs have hit me like not all songs can. This particular one, "Waiting on the Day," is off his newest album. Here's just the chorus:

When you'll be there for me baby
When you'll love me all the way
When you'll take my side in every little fire fight
When you'll hang your things and stay;
Oh, I'm waiting on the day.

But at the end, he questions it all. Now, I can't tell you for sure the thoughts behind his questioning, but to me it seems like he's wondering if that's even possible. Wondering, if just maybe, he's waiting for something that doesn't even exist...

Oh, can you do it baby?
Can you love me all the way?
Will you tie me tight in little strands of paradise?
Will you walk with me before the morning fades?
Oh I'm waiting on the day.

To be honest, this song touches me in a deep way. I know the longing, the aching for someone to spend the rest of your life with. When it's not just a dream anymore, when your life with them is reality and you can just relax and be together. When you're "teamed up" with someone that fights your battles alongside you and isn't hanging by the door, prepared to get out at a moment's notice. When two finally become one...

I know this longing, yet I know the truth past it. At the end of the day, no matter how perfect that person you've found is, no matter how much love is between the two of you, ultimately they are human and will hurt you at some point. They won't always be on your side, not in every single thing. And our love, human love...it's imperfect. Ultimately...we won't find this perfection in anyone here. The only perfect love is found above. But yet we break ourselves and break others over and over trying to get this full satisfaction from one person. It breaks my heart to see, partially because I've been a part of it too.

So his questioning...it digs into the very question of our heart desires. Our hearts, or our souls even, know that there's real, perfect, untainted love out there somewhere and that we'll never be content until we find it. We want so badly for it to be tangible though, for it to be in front of our faces, a real lover we can kiss and feel the heartbeat of. It's so abstract to think that it comes from God, the creator of everything. Maybe we can't physically hug him, but His love is the one that we won't have to question if it fulfills our every longing.

So, with people...are we waiting, just to be broken by whatever person comes? No, no I don't believe we are. If we have and know God, then our deepest desires are already met. We already know a pure, unstoppable, unadulterated love that we could never truly understand. This allows us to love people here, love people truly and honestly and not need to be fulfilled by them- love and expect nothing in return.
DISCLAIMER:  I'm making this all sound very simple. I'm not going to lie though, it's quite the opposite. Sometimes, with all these things going on around us and the tendency to get wrapped up in them, it's hard to keep our focus on God and thus hard to feel like He is truly all we need. Also, we are needy, and broken humans, so even if it's just subconsciously, we will put pressures on the people we love to be that perfect person to us. We will lean on them for support, acceptance, affirmation- it's in our nature. I do also believe that God knows that it's hard for us to find our comfort and satisfaction completely in Him- to not have a physical depiction of Him- so I do believe that human relationships are a reflection of His relationship with us, to some extent. In the way they show us love. Doesn't mean these people/relationships should replace God, maybe more of we should be able to see God in them and praise Him and love Him even more for that.

And this is just in the relationship sense (because, we all know that this is probably what most people are "waiting" on). Some people wait for a future or career that makes sense and is steady (I'm guilty of this one as well). Some wait for financial success or stability. Some wait for a family/kids. Some wait for forgiveness, or closure, or answers that perhaps they'll never find. Some wait for acceptance, to feel beautiful, or to have that one person be proud of them. If you really think about it, we all have something. We're all waiting...and it's important to ask ourselves "why this?" Because there is something deeper, something beyond that. I know it might cause your heart pain to think about, but I think that getting to the nitty-gritty of our desires is healthy and will help us in the long run.

Maybe talking through my own will help. I'm in a three-way-tie between wanting, at the risk of sounding cliché, to find "the one," having a steady or sensible future/career, and wanting answers.
1. Why do I want to find that "perfect" person to share my life with? I can think of a few reasons:  I want to forget having to put on any sort of act for anyone- I want to be 100% me all the time and be able to share that with someone, to be able to just be with someone; I want to love deeply and be loved back, and understand what that love is; I want to be secure; I want someone to tackle the toughest parts of life with, and the best parts of life with. What does this mean about me? That I want someone to know me- to completely and truly know me. I want to be loved. And I want to show that love and care for someone just because I can, no matter if they deserve that or not (I mean, do any of us?). Truths? God knows me completely- more than I even know myself. God's love is perfect, and since He is love and all love is from Him, He's the perfect being to learn love from and from whom to receive love. And wanting to care for someone? Wanting to give that love away, because that is what we are called to do.
2. Why do I want to know what my future holds, especially in the sense of having a steady/respected career? Again, I want security. I want to know that I can take care of myself/will be taken care of. And I want to know what my future holds so that I can know what I should be focusing on now, or what I should NOT be investing my time in. Because ultimately, I'm scared of failing, scared of choosing the wrong path, scared of doing it all wrong and screwing everything up. I just want to know that everything is going to be okay. Truths? God tells me not to worry, and tells me that he clothes the flowers of the field and feeds the birds of the air...so am I not worth much more than that in His eyes? And little ol' me...I'm not going to be able to put a wrench in God, of all beings, plans. He's a little better than that. And no matter what I do, God can help me get back on the right path if I fall off. And where is my true security? In knowing that even though I am broken, I am saved, washed clean, forgiven, loved, pure, and righteous in God's eyes from Jesus's sacrifice. That when I leave this earth I will be with Him.
3. Why do I want answers? Security, yet again. I want to be sure that what I'm believing, that what I'm telling people, that what I'm living my life for makes sense and is worth all the pain the Truth can cause sometimes. I want answers so that I don't have to depend on anything or anyone else, that I personally have all the information necessary so that now I have control over it. (Wow. I'd actually never realized that before but it's hitting me how true that actually is...just WOW.) Truths? We can't know and understand everything...we're humans, and we are only provided with what God opens our eyes to. If we had all the answers, then where is the place for faith? And, I can't just expect to ask and just understand everything suddenly. How conceited of me, to believe that I would even be able to understand some of God's answers to my biggest questions. I am trying to take faith out of the equation and replace it with knowledge. Ouch, self.

As to the question of, does what we're waiting for/on define us?

Perhaps. I mean, what we're waiting on ultimately reflects our deepest desires, which are not going to be exactly the same as everyone else's. (They will all be similar, but maybe we're desiring things in different ways.)

But will we let these desires stay on the surface and keep searching for the things on this earth that we think will completely fulfill us? Will we idle until we've found what we're looking for? And once we find it, will we be surprised when everything isn't just perfect from then on?

Or will we realize that it is God we are really searching for?

Food for thought, folks. I hope you find what you're searching for.

I'm waiting on the day...
Peace & Blessings