Tears

I've cried numerous times tonight. Not one hundred percent sure why. Things are just hitting me harder than usual, I suppose. Things are more real.

Moved by a song. By a movie. By a friend's blog post. By God.

Won't you come back? ("I Will, My Dear" by Jared Evers)
If you never come back I just want you to know I'm gonna love you either way. ("Rising Sun" by Prince of Spain)

It's like God is speaking right to me.

And then the blog post...so much faith in our Creator to heal this little girl from a deadly disease. Made me realize that I've given up hoping in a lot of ways. I mean, if you don't hope then you can't be let down when things don't work out. Because you just expected the human outcome, the imperfect promises and hopes. The thing that is so hard for us, for me, to understand is that God is not human. He is not tied down with broken promises and false hopes. He is love, truth, perfection, and most of all, HOPE. He loves us and that's it. He loves us. He doesn't try His best to love us and fail sometimes; He doesn't just want to love us but can't, He really and truly loves us. And He doesn't even have to, He wants to! He delights in us.

What is He trying to get across to me right now?
That it isn't about what I do. It's about Him loving me and sacrificing for me so that we can be together. IT'S ABOUT HIM!!!
And also that you can't be closed off all the time. You have to put yourself out there and love with a chance to be hurt (thank you to Meg from Hercules). It ain't love if it can't break your heart ("It Ain't Love" by Green River Ordinance).

I'm not runnin' for the doorway,
I'm not runnin' for the doorway,
I'm not runnin' for the doorway,
Don't leave!

Anyways, I have a lot to ponder. I feel loved though. I can feel His love. Either way.

Peace & Blessings