I've been so wrong

...guys.

I've been fooling myself for years, and I'm just now realizing it.

So here's what my thought process has been this whole time:

Okay. So if I were not in Christ, there would be a lot of things that maybe the world is okay with, that I wouldn't be ashamed of. It's just...different standards, I guess. So that would mean that there would be less guilt, shame, perhaps feelings of iniquity too. But when I came to Christ, or when any person does, they are faced with their past, their baggage of mistakes and sins before (and always after too) following Christ- because now, we are a part of a new "standard." And when we're faced with that...it looks ugly. It looks bad and we don't want to think that we made all those mistakes. So, when we are in Christ, we do experience these feelings of shame, guilt, and iniquity more than before. Of course, we're forgiven of it though...

FALSE. (Except for the forgiven part.) Why in the world have I been stuck on the past like this- the feelings of guilt? I've been wrestling with this recently. A lot of guilt, and I feel like it's holding me back from God (on my end, I'm sure not His). And I was thinking, man, why am I stuck here? Why can't I stop feeling guilty? I mean, I'm forgiven, right? But why is it still haunting me...?

Here's what I've been told a million times that I am now realizing never sank in.

1.  Guilt doesn't come from God. Maybe a feeling of, whoa, what I've been doing is wrong, I should change this, AKA repentance, is from Him. But not just guilt that gets us down and out. Not to mention makes us feel super unworthy and what do we do when we feel unworthy? We run away from whomever might have power over us; a lot of times with guilt, it is God we run from. And man is that what the devil wants!

2. When we come to Christ, our thoughts don't just stop at, wow look at all the awful things I've done, this is, no I am, terrible! It is followed by, but look, Jesus died on the cross to wash all these sins away, to give me a clean and pure slate. I'm FREE!

Free. Free.

I've been stuck in this prison of guilt and shame when I have been given FREEDOM. What am I still doing behind bars when the doors have been opened wide??

Answer:  I'm keeping myself there. I think I feel maybe like I need to be punished...like justice still needs served. How do I forget that it was served, served on the cross?

"It is finished." How could I forget what that meant?

Now what brought all of this to mind? You guessed it, a song. Josh Garrel's "Freedom." (So good, the lyrics are amazing, check the song here.) Here's what got me:

For 19 years I was trapped in a prison, feeding my escape by derision; but every man-made attempt just failed when trapped in a jail of my own guilt, shame, and iniquity; I was looking for freedom; how'd I find freedom? Oh freedom, freedom from all this...He said I'm the Christ- so I believed.

 I'm free.

He can free you, too.

Peace & Blessings