Expecting Perfection

First off:  this is something one should never* do.

On this earth, it's not even a thing. Don't get me wrong, we can come close on some things- but there's never a full degree of perfection. (I know, I sound like Debbie Downer here, but we have to be honest with ourselves and accept things the way they really are! I have a point, I promise.)

Every time we expect perfection out of a person, a relationship, or even an object, we're holding that thing/person to a standard that is rather inconceivable to uphold. Nearly every time, we will find ourselves let down in one way or another, and the other person might feel as though they truly have let you down, even if it was ridiculous to expect it in the first place.

But the real question is, why do we feel we need to find something or someone that is perfect?

Answer:  DAILY DOUBLE!

1.  We crave a complete and utter feeling of security. We want to feel safe, taken care of, and out of harm's way. There's no surprises in a secure place. We want to believe that someone or something can completely provide us with this secure feeling! So we decide when we find a "significant other," or a new car, a new security system, or a weatherman we finally think we can trust, that we've found it, that we're done searching and now we can just relax because we're going to be safe, be cared for, and never duped again.

But, let's face it friends. Your alleged "soulmate" is going to be late for dinner or hurt your feelings or say the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time. You might still get into an accident in your new car or have something break and have to take it to the shop. You're going to come home late one night, tired, and your security system is going to think you're a burglar. Your beloved weatherman is going to predict sunshine all day and you'll get caught in a downpour unprepared. STUFF HAPPENS, FOLKS. If you're expecting perfection, how are you going to respond? Not well. Angrily. But if your whole idea of security isn't found just in that thing/person (and you realize that, hey, everyone makes mistakes and guess what you do too), you'll be able to smile and move past it. Sure, you might still be hurt. But it won't be the end-all!

2.  We desire total fulfillment. We want to know that no matter what happens, at the end of the day, we are whole and we are loved and we have something/someone to live for. And for most of us, it's easiest to build our lives around one thing or person- any more and it gets complicated. So we do- we think that best friend, that dream job/career, that significant other, that new house/car will make us feel like we are whole, like we are accomplished, like we are on the right path of life.

Friends:  no matter how much love your friend or significant other showed you that day, now matter how perfectly your presentation went at work and how much your boss praised you, no matter how amazing you felt when you got those keys to your new whatever, at the end of the day you are going to be left wanting just a little bit more. You're going to feel like maybe there's something wrong with you, because why don't you feel perfect after that amazing day? There's something missing; you were expecting perfection, expecting total fulfillment, from something on this earth that was never meant to provide it. And so, if you don't end up thinking there's something wrong with you, you'll think there's something wrong with them for not making you feel perfect; either way, it causes problems. But if we aren't expecting perfection, then we are much more likely to be overjoyed with and thankful for what we have, for that day, instead of wondering why there wasn't more.

I hope this makes sense to all you other "all or nothing" people out there, too. We simply cannot expect every friendship, every relationship to be perfect right from the start. There's a lot of learning that goes on at the beginning:  who is this other person? what parts of our personalities mesh, what clash? There's a period of getting to know the other person; a period of settling in to a comfortable rhythm, instead of expecting everything to be exactly how you want it from the get-go. Things just don't work like that. There are steps in every relationship, but not like steps we're used to climbing. There's a lot that happens between those steps; it doesn't just go one to the next.

For me, that middle ground is the scary part. The steps- those seem to be clearly defined and make sense. The space in between is much less clear and takes work; maybe I'm afraid I'm not good enough and I just won't make it through the trying periods, the times where the other person really sees me for the crazy person I believe I am. Dang, maybe that's why I isolate myself from the people I most care about. Because it's hard and I'm afraid of failing, failing them.

From all this above, I have two points (man, are you guys lucky! Two! ;).

First, we are looking for perfection, meaning security and fulfillment, in the wrong places. This causes strain where there doesn't have to be! The only true security and fulfillment that we can find is not on this earth- it is God. He is the only one who never makes mistakes, who is unswervingly loving and faithful, who promises to be with us "to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20), who is preparing for us a place in heaven with Him. Who knew us at the beginning of time, who formed us in the womb exactly how He wanted us to be. Finding this joy and wholeness in Him is absolutely wonderful- but is also a challenge because of what we are used to. We are used to immediate, tangible gratification, and sometimes it is hard for us to see this in God. But friends, it is beyond worth it. Not only that, but He will help you find Him. And, not only will He help you find Him, but He is pursuing us. Why? Because He loves us, and we are His creation. Not because of anything we've done.
Second, that relationships, all relationships, take work and PATIENCE. We work to learn how to best love and support that other person, whether it be a friend, a significant other, a parent, a sibling, or God. We figure out what pleases them, and then we put it into practice. We spend quality time with them, time to listen and also time to be open with them about how we are doing. Patience is necessary because that's not going to come all at once for us or for them. It's a continuous learning process that will bring joy and pain- but I believe that it is all worth it in one way or another. It might be scary in those gray areas, that middle ground, or when you're frustrated because you don't know how to listen well or there is a problem on their end- BUT, that middle ground is where the tightest bonds and the best of memories are made. So bring on your "terrors," ground in between steps. I'm ready for you.

In the end, love triumphs.
And I don't mean the usual "love" we see in the movies.
I mean true, unwavering, cuts-to-the-soul love.
I really like what the band Beautiful Eulogy says about it, "maybe you're not finding [love] cause you're not defining it right." (See the lyric video here- the song is fantastic.)

*So in conclusion:  we can expect perfection, but only from the sole perfect being, God himself. Yay!

Ask yourself this:  are you expecting perfection from your relationships, job, or possessions? Why?

Peace & Blessings