When my last day comes...

...I don't want people to feel like they didn't know me at all.

I want people to know me, know the real me. My hopes, my dreams, how they changed over the years, why I became who I was, my love for my family, friends, and those who needed it most, and mostly my love for God and my relationship with Him, because honestly that is how all the rest of me came to be. Scratch that. His love for me...and His love for every single person out there.

But do we always talk about it? Do we ask each other the hard questions? Do I know why you believe what you do and do you know why I believe what I do? Do I know what happened 3 years ago that completely changed the way you live your life and why it did, and do you know what thought hit me last night at Target that has already begun to change my perspective?

Do we even know each other at all...?

The thought of "to be 99% known is to not be known at all" keeps ringing in my ear. We keep things at a surface or just below level to ensure safety. But for everybody, people that believe this life is all we have and people that believe after this we have an eternal one, somewhere, what good is this at all? What good is it to keep hidden from most of the people in your life? Why insult the small number of years we have with friendships that really are more of aquaintanceships? This isn't saying that it's a good idea to be completely transparent with everyone in your life, because that may not be healthy for a number of reasons. But do 5 people really know you? 10 people? Do you feel like you're holding back from most people? I know that half the time I do...

For a while I've considered writing a letter that people can read just in case something were to happen to me. (No, this isn't morbid; I'm not scared of death and it's just, perhaps, in case I don't get the chance to tell some people how I really feel before I'm gone.) But right now I'm wondering...why wait? Wouldn't it be better to tell someone what you're actually thinking/feeling BEFORE it's too late for them to respond? For you to make things right if you need to?

Back again to safety. Most of the things we do in our lives is to ensure safety and security. And knowing people, really knowing them and allowing them to really know you, is not safe. It makes us, and them, vulnerable. It allows you to take on their feelings and burdens, and them to know the little or big secrets that, until them, you could not bear to let roll off your lips.

So ask yourself:  when things are shared at your funeral, when people are talking amongst themselves about you...right now, would they be surprised? Would they feel like they really knew their friend or not?
And now, how can you change this...

Thanks for listening, friends.
Peace & Blessings