Meant to be- Packing Light

This is crazy.

So in my last post I wrote something I hadn't even meant to write- that I felt safe and comfortable here, but in all that there was still something yearning...like this wasn't it. There was something else.

And who would have guessed but that night, Tuesday night, I decided to listen to an audiobook I'd downloaded a week or so before, titled Packing Light by Allison Vesterfelt. First off, it was strange that I would have downloaded an ebook off Noise Trade anyways; I usually scroll right past those thinking, there's no way I have time to listen to a whole book so why bother? But the name of this one and the picture caught me- Packing Light and an overflowing suitcase. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about living minimalistically (which my computer is telling me is not a word, it probably should be minimally, but I'm keeping it). What do I really NEED? And when am I wanting something and not needing it? Do I really need 10 pairs of jeans and 20 sweatshirts? (Guilty...) Do I need two guitars? Do I need so many shoes? Do I really need to be eating out as often as I do?

What I'm realizing is that we treat our "wants" like our "needs," and so our true needs never get met. Unconditional love, a feeling of security, a sense of purpose (or that we're part of something bigger than ourselves), help (emotional or otherwise), a true friend to confide in....many of these are ignored or are things we shove to the back of our minds because most of them aren't tangible or we just don't have time for "feelings" or our other seemingly insignificant problems. We're an incredibly needy society that's been tricked into believing we need other things more.

Not to mention that we can't even address the problem because we're either scared to or we don't know where to start.

But I've gotten really off track. What I meant to say was that Allison's book was addressing just this- when do we have too much? Can we live with less? What does it mean to pack light? And what will we learn about ourselves when we're depending on God far more than we are depending on our own means to get us through the next day? What will we learn about God?

Gah, I wish I could listen to the book on repeat until the good messages fully sink in so deep that I can quote them.

The book meant a lot to me, in a lot of the same ways that Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller did a few months ago. It made me feel not so alone in all this, as I'm prone to feeling. That other people have had ideas as crazy as mine, but have actually acted on them and survived. Not only survived, but changed. For the better, that is. That other people are sitting in their comfortable lives as well and are still thinking, is there more? Well, is there?

It got me excited, in the way I get excited every time I hear a new song and decide that it would be a perfect staring-out-the-window-during-a-long-road-trip song. Excited because it was another example of how God really does provide for people that ask Him for that. I've always been worried about finances (been much more aware of it lately) and with the thought of support-raising for a possible summer in Honduras for a Leadership Training (LT) program I've been terrified. But if they can make it around the country on barely anything and have God provide through people, even absolute strangers, then I think He can provide for a two-month internship.

I could write about this book forever. I feel...different. Something inside of me has honestly shifted. I don't know what but I just feel different. In a good way. A healthy way. And it really does make me want to pursue God even more. It's just been hard to keep myself open to Him...my autopilot mode is to be closed off and it's been difficult changing that/adjusting. But He is good and faithful. I am in good hands (and it's not Allstate!).

Peace & Blessings