These last few weeks have been absolutely crazy. Crazy amazing.
Two and a half weeks ago I decided to get baptized (this Sunday!! Ahhh!). Since then, I have felt so much closer to God than I have in so long. I have felt His love and maybe even felt His calling for my life (now considering seminary after I graduate, and after that...long term mission work. The "where" isn't something I feel absolutely clear on right now).
Two weeks ago, I began dating a wonderful man I'd met through h2o. Though the whole thing was very fast, I feel like God has brought us through these last two weeks and really grown us (I know I was definitely grown a lot, as you'll see below, as well as in many other aspects). I so appreciate that He is a leader to me, especially in my relationship with God. We've read through the Gospels Mark and Luke and God has shown him and I so many things through His life and His words here on this earth. It's an absolutely beautiful picture of love, mercy, forgiveness, and discipleship. Crazy how it all applies even now in this day and age!
Last weekend, I felt Him tell me, "Prepare yourself, the flood is coming." Of course, I had no idea what the flood was, though I'm pretty sure I figured it out later that day and the next. It was feelings. I realized that for so long I'd felt numb to a lot of things: my past, just because I'd talked about it so many times that I guess I'd just decided that I couldn't let it affect me anymore; romantic feelings, partly because I'd felt that God was not calling me into any relationships for the past couple years, which was really frustrating to me, at least at first; and then just feelings in general - I felt like I could never decipher what was true and what my mind was trying to convince me of, so I just gave up and decided it was all nothing. But being in a relationship now meant that I had to at least be aware of what I was feeling. And all of a sudden, it crashed on top of me; I felt like I was drowning and couldn't take it anymore. I realized this week that probably my fear of commitment, as little as just starting dating may be, just shut down all feelings I had. I think my mind and heart has realized that this is the new normal now, and I can't ignore feelings because of fear. I'm finally adjusting, and I am very happy.
God has continued this trend of blessings since I last wrote about it specifically. I have felt so incredibly blessed these last few weeks especially. I am so excited for the future! But trying to make the most of where God has me now ("Until then I'll remain where you have me, with joy when I feel unhappy," Beautiful Eulogy). Still wrestling with PRIDE and trying to be the best at everything (I am second!!).
Until next,
Peace & Blessings
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