Honestly, I don't know where to start, exactly. So much happened, I learned so much that I will never forget. I made so many friends there, and fell in love with so many kids (I wanted to take all of them home with me, or just not leave so that I could stay with them forever).
First, I'll talk about what I learned/what God was teaching me throughout the summer. There was so much, but I'll try not to make it 2000 pages…
1) I need to ask for help and I simply cannot do it all on my own. If we open up to God, He really is faithful to answer. There was one night (like I believe I've talked about before) where I knew I needed to get it all out, I needed to talk to God about all that I'd been feeling and experiencing, all that I'd been struggling with, all that I was realizing…and as I laid there by the pool, I asked for help with pretty much everything. The biggest things were a) pride and a whirlwind of prideful thoughts that I could not rid my brain of, b) not being excited about sharing the gospel and wanting to change that, c) wanting to fall in love with God again, but feeling that my heart was hard and heck, I just didn't know how to make that happen, and d) feeling fully fulfilled in Him.
And WOW did God answer! The prideful thoughts I'd been absolutely fed up with subsided, nearly completely. There was finally somewhat of a peace in my brain…now, I do still struggle with pride and the awful thought life that comes with it. But, I know that God can change that!
I sure wasn't excited about sharing the gospel when we first arrived, and for the first couple weeks…I think it's because I'd forgotten the power of the gospel, and the work that God can do in and on people's hearts and minds. But God started answering that prayer before I even asked for help that one night. In the first week, I had a conversation with a friend that went something like me saying, wow, I really can't believe how many kids here grow up without a father figure because of all the bad stuff going on/how men are viewed/how women are viewed. It's incredibly sad, and I think the worst part is that it's such a big problem and there is literally NOTHING we can do to solve it or remedy it. Then, sitting in the car, it started to hit me. In hopelessness came a flicker of understanding. There IS something we can do. We can share the gospel and the love of Christ has the power to turn peoples' thoughts around. This reminds me of something I read in a book my friend's small group is reading: "A sense of powerlessness accompanies every serious experience in our lives. This sense of powerlessness generates solitude. True solitude does not come from being physically alone but from the discovery that a fundamental problem of ours cannot find its solution in us or in others."* I felt like there was nothing I could do, yes. Which led me to realize that I didn't think anyone could do anything to fix it. Led to hopelessness…led to God. Because He is the answer to all our problems. And this whole summer, I kept seeing that more and more. Second week I was feeling kind of hopeless about fixing up the playground, because apparently men from other neighborhoods would come mess it up and play on it and that's part of why it got so destroyed. I asked one of the guys we worked with, Oscar, how we could stop that. He answered with conviction: "The Gospel." Boom.
I had listened to quite a few worship songs about being so deeply in love with God, and just wasn't feeling that way at all. Hearing about his love and majesty and other wonderful qualities weren't affecting me, it seemed, at all. But I longed for it, yearned to be in love with the Creator of the universe. So, I asked for help. He answered with thankfulness. I think he opened up my eyes to all the little (and big) things that he does in, around, and for us every single day. I cried a few times this summer, and I think at least half of those instances were happy tears, tears of thankfulness towards God and the way he loves us and cares for us. The day before we left, I sat out on the porch with Randi and tears streamed down my face as we prayed together and I thanked God for all of it, for the experience, for what he's taught me, for the people's hearts that we met, for the way the kids loved us, for providing the funds to get me there in the first place…I'm tearing up right now thinking about it. The two weeks right after we got back were filled with me pouring over scripture, praying, and talking about how great God is and was this summer. He gave me a new love for him, a beautiful love that I could not conjure up on my own. And he did it through showing me the blessings all around me. Wow.
For a long time, I've had a sense of loneliness, of not feeling whole, of wanting someone to be there for me, to be completely known. Knowledge reminded me that all these things could be found in God, but my heart and feelings told me that, hey, that's just not the way I felt. God really changed that around. He answered prayers when I didn't ask or even know what to ask. He spoke to me when I was at my most needy points. He opened my eyes to blessings. He changed my heart to be more full of love, and He challenged me in exactly the ways I needed to be. For the first time, I felt completely known and it's such a wonderful feeling! He showed me that He is faithful and is true in His words.2) He taught me the value of community and relationships, and how much I desire them as well. I believe I've mentioned this before as well, but I'll say it again because it has really changed me! I've been on mission trips for single weeks, and many of these. In these, my mind is always focused on the physical task at hand and rarely on anything else, other than getting to know the other people that came with me on the trip. I always assumed that house repair/etc was what the people we were serving really needed…and never thought about building a relationship with them. I never stopped to consider that maybe the people needed that more than a new roof/etc. But wow, people crave relationships. And as time went on this summer, I saw that I craved relationships with these people too! In these relationships there are chances, on both ends, to learn and grow, to be challenged with hard questions or to find answers, and the opportunity to hear someone's story or to share the gospel. Because when you're only fixing houses/doing other physical labor, there's something missing. And I came into the summer hoping to do some sort of construction project and be working with my hands the whole time (maybe because I, a lot of the time, am terrified of relationships- silly, I know)…but was not provided with that opportunity, and I could not be more thankful. Being put out of my comfort zone was necessary and God taught me so much through it!
3) God showed me a community at Iglesia Gran Comisión like none other. A love of God and people brought these people together, and they really love God in such a radical way. So many of them were so excited and so convicted that God really is the only thing their lives are centered around. And man, do they have a heart for their city and for spreading the gospel! I have never seen a group of people so passionate about the gospel in my life. I was amazed the whole time I was there, and it was the most beautiful community I've ever seen and experienced. I hope that our church here (h2o) can look like that. Spreading the passion!
4) KIDS. I love those kids. I have never wanted to have kids nor liked them really in my entire life. I now think they are GREAT, crazy but great. God so did this in me, because like I said, I've never been a kid person before this summer. And those kids taught me about love to, in the pure and genuine way that they loved us gringos. I sure do miss them hanging onto me every day, their wonderful smiles and laughs. It nearly killed me to cry right alongside them the last day…I found the most joy this summer, I think, in times with those kids when I was basically a playground, or I was exhausting myself in some way by running after them/carrying them around. Gosh dang, I miss them.
And I'm figuring you'd all like to hear about the projects we did there too! So here's some of the things we did (with help especially from one guy in the community, the guy that can literally make or fix anything, Jesús Lorenzo):
- built a bench/table combo around 2 trees, one in the neighborhood next to the playground (idea: to make a comfortable space for the moms while they're watching their kids play, and to have a place where people from the community can get together for bible studies, worship, meals, or prayer), and one in the orphanage (idea: the boys and girls could eat together and do homework outside). People really loved them!
- built a new outdoor stove area for the tías in the orphanage (idea: when the power goes out- which happens way too frequently- they can't cook indoors so this would really help them)
- made safety and other improvements on the playground (idea: so that the kids wouldn't get hurt on the broken slide or the holes in the wood or the rusty nails sticking out everywhere…and so that it would last longer!)
- had a "Growth in Community" day/"Día de Crecimiento en Comunidad" where we planted shade trees all around the park and green area and also collected trash from the houses (idea: it's incredibly hot there, and there's nearly no trees- so, give people some shade eventually; and the dump is a bit away so it's nice to help people get stuff over there and have a clean house)
- built a table for a woman (Alma) in the community (idea: Alma- who is absolutely wonderful- is right now financially supported by the church, but wants to be able to support herself, or at least supplement, so she wants to make tortillas but didn't have a flat area to do that on…so we built her a table that she can work at!)
- built a bed for one of the families in the community- Eugenio & Francisca and their five kids, Eugenio is one of the security/maintenance men in the community (idea: there were five kids and two adults sleeping on two twin beds…so we built them a bigger one to add to their space, and got them a cochoneta= little mattress)
- repaired the clotheslines in the orphanage (idea: there's twelve kids, plus the tías and their kids, so they go through a lot of laundry and need lots of line- one of the poles was about to fall, so the guys wanted to make it sturdy)
- helped fix up the roads- working with the men of the community (idea: remind the men that it is their responsibility to keep the roads in good shape, and help improve driving there, so some of the guys rounded up men in the community and worked together!)
- did some painting (idea: give the boys and the boys' tía a little splash of color in their grayscale rooms; we helped out with a short term mission team)
- improved drainage around the outdoor sink/washing facility (idea: there was a lot of trash buried around the sink, and sewage- when it got backed up- would sit there, so we dug out all the nasty dirt and replaced it with rocks and gravel that would improve the drainage of the water)
- helped repair a sewage system for one of the houses (idea: it was backing up and leaving some of the area that the kids played in filled up with sewage water…found out it was a drain block from a FORK and a TOOTHBRUSH…what…
- had guitar lessons for the ladies! Which ended up being just one woman (Aleyda, she is absolutely fantastic and the best ever) and a couple of the boys in the community (David, 11, and Ian, 6). We had so much fun, and Aleyda was really dedicated to practice and LOVED it (and was really quite good by the end!) (idea: Aledya wanted to be able to worship at the women's bible study, but none of them knew instruments…and learning guitar had always been a dream of hers; and we wanted to interact with women of the community)
- attempted to do work out classes for the women, but it ended up that no one was coming; so, a couple times we did it with some of the kids and I tell you, those little exercise classes brought me so much joy!!! (idea: provide some structure for exercise for the women because they had asked for it)
- did a bible study of some sort nearly every day for the kids in the orphanage (idea: really instill in them who God is and the good news of His son Jesus's life, death, and resurrection; and worship with them!)
…and I'm sure there's more, but right now I'm exhausted from all this typing and all the FEELS from memories!!!
Overall thoughts from summer: I have been so blessed to be in Choluteca, Honduras this summer with a wonderful team of 18 others (love you guys and miss you!!!), and to be able to become a part of Iglesia Gran Comisión in Cholu and their fantastic community. I was blessed by all the love the kids showed me and the other people in the community. I was blessed by coming back with friendships from Cholu, friendships that I will continue through Facebook and through returning *hopefully* next year! I feel like I learned so much more from the people of Cholu, and received more from them, than I could have ever given. It was easily the most amazing experience of my life and God has changed my heart through it. Vilma, Sindy, Heidi, Enma, Nayelis, Gabriela, Emelin, Dariela, George, Brian, Jonathon, Eli, Elias, Cristofer, Alan…I miss you guys so much that it hurts. I miss everything about being around you all every day. Nena and Karen, I miss you ladies and your wonderful hearts. Jesús Lorenzo, Erica, Alma, Candida, Isis, Nissi, Luz, David, Ian, Oscar, Mano, Aleyda, Florencio, all the ladies that worked at the Casa Misionera, I love you all and miss you all, and am so thankful for every single one of you. Pastor Geovany and your family, much love.
One thing…I'm excited to live out my life for Christ here, but oh man I cannot wait to get back to Cholu. Cannot wait.
Thank you again to all my family, friends, and supporters for making this experience possible. God has used you in big ways!
Sorry this was so long…more pictures to follow at some point!
Peace & Blessings
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