It's now been OVER A YEAR since I got married. Clearly marriage, among other things, has taken over my life since I see that I haven't posted anything since 2015...
I can't even begin to explain all that I've learned in this past year. I have loved being married, and I've also been deep in pits of despair (some- okay, most- pits I dug myself). When I promised "for better or for worse" I think I now understand what that means- maybe not in the life circumstances sort of way just yet, but more in a better character versus worse character sense. I take him as my husband when I am at my best - when I am kind and loving and respectful - and when I am at my worst - when I am spiteful and selfish and angry. I take him as my husband when HE is at his best - loving and honoring and caring - and when HE is at his worst - self-depricating and hard-headed and ticked off.
Let me tell you- that can be SO difficult.
But every time that we've come around and come back to each other in apologies and forgiveness and love, we've grown stronger. We've learned something new about the other- about our other half. We see how much we've hurt the other person and that is certainly enough to change one's tune.
What it comes down to for us is that my husband needs me to show him that he's my number 1 person. That no one else comes before him. Yes, for you young'uns, that he is my BAE (for everyone else, "Before Anything Else"). That means he gets my time over others, my heart and my thoughts first, a big part in every decision, my defense in any situation (unless he's acting crazy), and my support for his decisions.
Notice I said number 1 person- but what he may need most is for God to be my true and ultimate number 1.
This is where I've been getting mixed up. Ladies and gents, it is SO EASY to focus on what is visible and tangible right in front of you instead of what you cannot necessarily see or touch. My husband has become my whole life and sometimes it is hard to remember that someone else is the true owner of my heart- my God, my Creator, my Redeemer!
My husband may be my other half, but he is not who fulfills me, he is not who breathed life into me, he did not love me before I came to be, and he does not hold my eternity in his hands. But God is; God did; God did; and God does!
Let me repeat:
My husband cannot fulfill me. GOD CAN AND DOES!
My husband did not design me and breathe life into me. GOD DID!
My husband did not love me from the time the universe began. GOD DID!
My husband cannot love me perfectly. GOD CAN AND DOES!
My husband does not hold my entire life and eternity in his hands. GOD DOES!
My husband cannot offer me salvation. GOD DID!
My husband does not define me. BEING A DAUGHTER OF GOD DOES!
When God is my number 1, I don't have to seek perfection (perfect love, complete forgiveness, full provision, soul and life fulfillment, etc) in my husband, who guess what...is HUMAN! Which means he is incapable of being perfect all the time. (Sorry, sweetie.)
So, Jenna, what you're telling me is that if I rely on God for all these things, then I won't put those impossible expectations on my HUMAN spouse, and I won't find them constantly wanting, I won't put way too much pressure on them, and I won't end up weighing down our marriage?
DING DING DING, WE HAVE A WINNER!
God never wanted us to try to find perfection in another human because it's IMPOSSIBLE (other than for Jesus). Our imperfection is constantly pointing us back to Him. It should show us that, hey, something is missing...we need something perfectly steady, perfectly true, perfectly reliable, perfectly holy, perfectly whole, perfectly PERFECT in our lives and we are consistently shown that humans cannot give us that.
The heart is fickle though, and doesn't always listen to truth and reason. So while I know all of this, I still put my husband as #1 most of the time (I'll admit it).
I desire to be a better person.
To be a better friend.
To be a better wife.
To walk with God closer.
Which are all GREAT- but let me check my motivation. Do I desire to do these things to 1) worship, honor, and bring glory to God, or 2) to bring my husband joy/to fulfill him, or even 3) to feel good about myself?
We all know that the first is the right answer. The second is respectable in a sense, but puts my husband on a higher pedestal than God (very bad), and the third is super selfish- SUPER-DUPER SELFISH. But I am much more guilty of the latter two than the former.
I should definitely desire and strive to love my husband better and to serve him and build him up every single day of my life. Nothing is wrong with that- except when it becomes my sole passion and single motivation. I cannot live my life for a mortal- that would be foolish! But I can live it for a perfect God.
When I run after God and ask him for heart and life change, He is faithful to respond. And guess what? The ways he changes me and instructs me will definitely promote a healthier marriage, stronger and deeper friendships, and a more fruitful and rich life.
If change does not come from God working in my life, all I'm going to do is fail, fail, FAIL. But leaning on God, on His perfect love, forgiveness, etc. means that I can give that out 10, 100, 1000 fold beyond what I could muster on my own.
